Monthly Archive for December, 2006

33 and no thirds

Published
by
Bryan
on Monday, 11 December 2006
in Personal
. 1 Comment

As of today, 33 years have passed since I broke the womb and squirmed out on to this tainted orb. It’s hard to believe that I am in my thirties. Officially, I am without any ability to deny that I am getting older. Luckily, I am aging gracefully, as they say - although my hair went pretty quickly, my other features still retain some youthfulness.

Given that I am tired from celebrating, I decided to keep things short and steal bits and pieces from a Wikipedia article documenting a few things that also occurred on December 11th:

• 1816 - Indiana becomes the 19th U.S. state
• 1941 - World War II: Germany and Italy declare war on the United States.
• 1961 - Melvin Calvin Awarded Nobel Prize in Chemistry for process of photosynthesis.
• 1963 - Che Guevara addresses UN General Assembly
• 1981 - In his last fight, Muhammad Ali is defeated by Trevor Berbick.

Other folks who share a December 11th birthday:

• 1465 - Ashikaga Yoshihisa, Japanese shogun (d. 1489)
• 1803 - Hector Berlioz, French composer (d. 1869)
• 1890 - Carlos Gardel, tango singer, composer, and actor (d. 1935)
• 1908 - Elliott Carter, American composer
• 1926 - Big Mama Thornton, American singer (d. 1984)
• 1938 - McCoy Tyner, American jazz pianist
• 1939 - Tom Hayden, American politician
• 1943 - John Kerry, American politician
• 1954 - Jermaine Jackson, American musician
• 1958 - Nikki Sixx, American bassist (Mötley Crüe)
• 1964 - John Mark Karr, American involved in JonBenét Ramsey case
• 1973 - Mos Def, American emcee and actor
• 1974 - Oscar Gutierrez, professional wrestler (Rey Mysterio)

Carlos Gardel, Mos Def, and Rey Mysterio are among my favorites on that list. I’m not so excited about John Kerry or John Mark Karr sharing the day. I’m still pretty angry that I know John Mark Karr’s name, quite frankly.

When a man loves the United Nations…

Published
by
Bryan
on Tuesday, 5 December 2006
in Political
. 0 Comments

John 'Funky Mustache' BoltonJohn Bolton has resigned as ambassador to the United Nations. In fairness, I didn’t really give him a fair shake. Maybe it’s my inability to trust anyone with the last name of Bolton (see also: Bolton, Michael). It could be my inability to trust anyone who’s mustache and head hair look as though they came from two other people. Seriously, he looks like some surrealist version of Mr. Potato Head. He’s better suited to make an appearance on To Catch A Predator than to be ambassador to the United Nations.

My lack of trust could also be due to the fact that President Bush appointed a guy who so despises the United Nations that Bolton was quoted as saying the following things:

There’s no such thing as the United Nations. (Global Structures Convocation, Feb. 3, 1994)

I’m sure that quote was taken out of context - although the context that could possibly explain such a stupid comment is an unsolvable mystery. Except to Pat Robertson.

“Support for the International Criminal Court concept is based largely on emotional appeals to an abstract ideal of an international judicial system unsupported by any meaningful evidence and running contrary to sound principles of international crisis resolution.” (New York Times, March 9, 2005)

I’m sure the victims of genocides, war crimes, and other crimes against humanity feel better knowing that their concerns are nothing more than “emotional appeals to an abstract ideal”. Certainly, John Bolton will explain that to the victims in Darfur as soon as he steps down.

If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. (Global Structures Convocation, Feb. 3, 1994)

Given that he’s made it clear that the only interests the United Nations should observe are the interests of the United States, why stop at 10 stories? I know, because getting rid of the whole U.N. would be just silly - after all, it doesn’t exist to begin with.

Anyway, I find it difficult to believe that anyone will miss this guy - although President Bush has already expressed his disappointment at Bolton’s departure. Maybe Bush should appoint Bolton’s mustache as his replacement?

Here’s hoping that Bolton and Rumsfeld spend the rest of their days sitting in a park frightening small children by looking creepy and describing their foreign policies.

Class of hard bombs…

Published
by
Bryan
on Monday, 4 December 2006
in Political
. 0 Comments

On Wednesday, the Iraq Study Group is scheduled to release a report on how the United States should rethink its current strategy in Iraq. My good friend Bennett, despite being a graduate student with a new (beautiful) baby girl, evidentially has all of the time in the world to pay attention to this stuff. It’s almost as though he needs his own blog. If only someone he knows could offer to help him out with that. So sad… anyway…

He sent me a keen observation on the make-up of this group.

Before I get into his observations, let me just add that the Iraq Study Group is a stupid, stupid name for this group. Over 2900 U.S. casualties, countless Iraqi casualties, and hundreds of billions of dollars have been spent… and they form a study group. At least call them an advisory committee, or something that makes it sound like they have some authority to actually do something to change the situation. Then again, calling them a study group will make more sense when Bush ignores all of their good recommendations in favor of his bizarre vision of “accomplishing the mission”. You know, the mission that hasn’t been accomplished yet, even though he gave a press conference on May 1, 2003 on an aircraft carrier with a mission accomplished banner in the background.

(Wait… did I just say that this study group could actually come up with good recommendations? I must not be feeling well).

Anyway, let’s take a look at the members of our little study group:

image001.jpg

TOP (Ineffective Democrats):
Lee H. “H is for Horny” Hamilton, Vernon “Token” Jordan, Leon “Two Times” Panetta,
William “The Refrigerator” Perry, Chuck “Gomer Pyle” Robb

BOTTOM (Imperialist Republicans):
James “Old Man Breath” Baker, Lawrence “Scary Jowls” Eagleburger,
Edwin “”Scarier Jowls” Meese, Sandra Day O’ “Daylight Come Me Wanna Go Home” Connor,
Alan “O.J.” Simpson

Bennett seems to think that someone is missing from this little group. Of course, I assumed he meant the RZA, the GZA, or Ol’ Dirty Bastard. Maybe I should let him use his own words:

This is a picture of the Iraq Study Group. Question-what is missing?

Answer- an Iraqi! A person of Middle Eastern descent! A Muslim, a Middle East scholar, someone who’s even heard of Gertrude Bell!

Nice to see the colonial mindset is alive and well.

Well, even I had to look up Gertrude Bell.