Bryan D. Brown

Here are the few things I learned while traveling with U.S Airways this Christmas:

1. A reservation and confirmation on a U.S. Airways plane means nothing without a seat assignment. Exactly what a reservation is… uh… actually reserving is bit of a mystery.
2. Being booked on an overbooked flight means landing at your destination 7.5 hours later than your itinerary stated - and you’re still one of the fortunate ones. Yes, it would have taken less time to drive.
3. U.S. Airways sucks.
4. Crying doesn’t help you get re-booked. Even if you are a girl.
5. Santa Barbara Airport has no concession stands or restrooms beyond the security checkpoint - and is generally the most uncomfortable airport in which to be stranded.
6. Overhearing two undergrads flirt with each other in the seats directly behind you can make you dumber. Like, please stop, like, saying “like”, like, every other, like, word. Thanks goodness I, like, totally brought my iPod.
7. If they tell you the delay will be a certain number of minutes, you should double the time they give you. For example, when waiting to take off, the “20 minutes to input data from the tower” turned into 50 minutes because we “missed our window”.
8. U.S. Airways really sucks.
9. In spite of the fact that airline stewards and stewardesses have no control over the actual plane, people will mercilessly scream and curse at them over any flight delay. And then ask them for coffee.
10. Getting a free ticket for all your troubles means weighing whether or not you’d ever want to fly this airline again - even for free.
11. Did I mention that U.S. Airways sucks? No, really - it’s true!

Other non-U.S. Airways related items:

1. My parents are old enough to get bored in Las Vegas.
2. According to my father, the movie Hard Walk [sic] starring Nelson C. Reilly [sic] is really funny. While I think I know to which movie he is referring, the movie he described sounds even funnier.
3. Sporting good stores in Utah are scary as hell.
4. Mormons don’t find Jesus jokes very funny.
5. Mormons don’t find polygamy jokes very funny.
6. Mormons don’t find me very funny. I think I am hysterical, however.
7. As discovered by my father, Utah natives do not like to be referred to as Utardians - even if you “don’t mean it the way it sounds.”

I hope your Christmas holiday was as educational as mine.