Bryan D. Brown

In Santa Barbara, if you don’t have cable or some kind of paid television, there is only one local broadcast channel - KEYT. KEYT is an ABC affiliate, but they mostly carry syndicated programming and “paid programming”. If you really want to watch infomercials and “Seinfeld” re-runs - especially on the weekend - then KEYT is your station.It’s the nightly news, however, that really takes the cake. Now, working for KCSB, it would be a little hypocritical of me to make fun of technical mistakes at another station. KCSB, however, is mostly underpaid staff and volunteers. Part of our charm is putting everyday people on the air, and in doing so, technical snafus come with the territory. Kind of like Microsoft and their “it’s not a bug, it’s a feature” philosophy.

KEYT, however, presents itself like any other “professional” newscast. That doesn’t make them immune to technical snafus, and if they were to embrace a less pretentious style, I would be less apt to make them the butt of this particular joke. Anyway, this is meant as nothing more as a friendly rib on the only game in town.

So here’s a way to make the KEYT newscast a little more fun. WARNING: Attempting this game for every KEYT newscast in a single day could result in a unhealthy amount of alcohol consumption.

Here are the rules:

1. If they cut off a segment before it is supposed to end, take a drink.
2. If they play the wrong video clip, take a drink.
3. If a newscaster is looking into the wrong camera, take a drink.
4. If they start with no sound, or the sound cuts out, take a drink.
5. If a clip rewinds, stops, or fast-fowards while being aired, take two drinks.
6. If they play the same video twice, take two drinks.
7. If they show a newscaster getting ready to go on the air, take two drinks.
8. If an anchor has finished a story, and the camera stays focused on them for an uncomfortably long time, take two drinks.
9. If they interrupt a news segment with a commercial, only to immediately cut back to the news segment, take two drinks.
10. If John Palminteri does a “live report” from a meaningless location - take 3 drinks.